


So this is it.

by LillyW



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-18
Updated: 2014-10-18
Packaged: 2018-02-21 15:01:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2472491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LillyW/pseuds/LillyW
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Santana moves to the United States to start a new life when she meets Brittany and both of their lives change subtly and suddenly. This is a story of a friendship growing into something unexpected.. Brittana.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Seeing you for the first time

So this is it, i know it. This is where it all begins, my new life, my new goals, my new fears, my new challenges. This is it, and yes, I might freak out.

My name is Santana López, a 21 year old interior designer who just achieved her 'oh so dreamed' graduation and now is packing her bags to hit the road like Jack, except that I don't plan on not coming back no more. So yes, here I am filled with fears and excitement, with nostalgia and anticipation, and with a whole bunch of other feelings and thoughts balling up inside my chest and mind.

You'd think that I'm overwhelmed and stressed because of all the things that I need to do before I leave, I mean, pack everything, buy the essentials, make sure I don't leave anything behind and the worst and most difficult of them all: dealing with goodbyes.

Well yeah, that's true. But overall I'm extremely happy, I feel content and thankful. I am so ready to start my new life and I just can't wait to write this new chapter of my book 'cause that's how I am, I'm the type of girl who's not scared of messing up and I truly believe that my mistakes can never be mistaken. I can never be doing wrong in life or choose a wrong path as long as I learn something from each experience I get. So yes, I'm ready. I'm ready to get it right this time and I'm ready to get it wrong too. I'm ready to live.

So after repeating that in my mind for the millionth time I manage to calm all the butterflies that have been creating tiny hurricanes in my stomach all day, which means that now I can finally eat without feeling like I could throw up 5 minutes later. I'm looking forward to this dinner because it'll be with my family, all of us, including my brother who always seems to have a thousand plans everyday with his friends… But its cool I mean, what else can you expect from a 16 year old?.

We sat together at the table with the incredible homemade pizza resting in the center and after a brief look of encouragement from my mom we start digging in!.

I listen as my dad begins to tell me how much he's going to miss having me around and tells me that he sure as hell is going to come over to visit, he only needs to improve his English or as he said: "Mi inglés es Británico.. Es por eso que no lo entienden." I swear if you could only hear him in his attempts to ever enable a conversation with someone who speaks English, you'd probably die laughing, its freaking hilarious at least for me and my brother. My parents had always lived in Venezuela, which is where we're all from, and didn't really traveled frequently to any place with a different language than Spanish.. And the few times we've gone to the US together have only been to go to Disneyland and be little kids again or going to Miami to visit family, and you know both of those places are filled between Americans and Latin Americans so it was nerver really necessary for them to communicate like that.

My mom's a completely different story though, while my dad's really pulling off his "Im good with you moving out, I won't sit and miss you all day. I promise" attitude , my mom's failing miserably.. She just gives me this sad smiles and lingering looks, I return them trying to give her my most confident and "don't worry I'll be okay" look that I can give to reassure her. Of course she gets worried, I move out for college when I was 17 but I was just living in a different town, if anything ever happened it would only take a few hours car ride and they would be right there with me if needed. Now's different, I'm leaving and It's scary for both of us, but just as exciting for me. I know she'll be good. We'll be good, distance's nothing.

"Sabes que soy tu mamá y tu amiga y puedes llamarme cuando sea si se vuelve complicado o si quieres solo hablar, aunque sé que te irá más que bien ".. The support and trust she always gives me makes me feel strong and capable, it always has. I'm thankful for them, and I'm ready to do this.

So after the long and a little overdramatic goodbye scenes from my family and friends I am now sitting in this gigantic metal bird called airplane just waiting to takeoff, yes, I'm doing this. Santana López is moving to the United States of America. Yep, there's no going back now.. Crap, there really isn't.

Los Angeles California. I'm finally here, originally i thought about moving to New York but eventually decided that LA would be best, this is definitely more like me, although im definitely going to New York, just not yet. The flight was eternal which means the nauseas were eternal and now I'm the lobby of the building in which from now on I'll live and all that I can say is Thank God im here

Okay so, my apartment's small 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, kitchen, small living room, and a lovely view. I came here before to settle certain things such as furniture and kitchen supplies that I'll figure out how to use later… I have pretty much all the essentials covered, except for food. And boy do I need that

I decided to grab a sweater from one of my bags and my keys to go out and try to find the nearest grocery store and get me my much needed food. I head to the staircase, there's and elevator of course but I kind of like the exercise and using the stairs it's a great cardio and—okay fine. I hate elevators. I just, I hate them.

Turns out that 'finding the nearest grocery store mission' wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, I was able to find one no more than 3 blocks away. I find myself just amazed by everything around me as I walk, the culture most of all. So alike and yet so different, I've always enjoyed walking around, there's just something about all the people passing by and their random and sometimes strange but always interesting personalities. I guess LA really fulfills that aspect, you can definitely find a collage of personalities here.

I took my cart to the emptiest cashier I could find, paid for everything and grabbed all of those bags and started heading home "Maybe I didn't think this through" I thought as I started swinging the weight I had on me between my hands.

I tried to walk as fast and as slow as I could at the same time I sighed in relief when I saw my building getting nearer and nearer.

Just as I was crossing the door and stepping inside I bumped into someone who was just doing the exact same thing as I was and apparently neither of us were paying attention if someone was around.

Ok, maybe I am the type of person who gets irritated and starts throwing daggers at the one 'disturbing' them, But I just do that when someone get's to me in a really terrible way.. and I really can't help it, only this time im not gonna just lash out on the first person just because, I have my limits and that probably wouldn't be the best start for my life here… Right?. So, I immediately turned around to apologize and noticed that the person who ran into me wasn't actually looking; she had her hands covering her eyes shut as if she had a terrible headache. Of course, in the moment of our little crash she removed her hands from her face and that's when I saw them. The most incredible and beautiful eyes I don't think I've ever seen in my life, they were clear as a morning sky and deep as the ocean.

She looked sad and torn. I remained still not being able to look away, she quickly grazed one of her palms across her right cheek like trying to sweep away any trace of tears, but they weren't any visible ones. I realized after this that I was actually staring and felt completely embarrassed and turned away to look at whatever it was on the opposite side, I cleared my throat, look again back at her and decide to talk and avoid any more awkwardness.

"Uh, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to run over you like a drunk person I was just really focused on this bags and got distracted and obviously didn't pay attention to anything around me, did I hit you hard? I didn't mean to either, again I—"(Great, I'm rambling)

Her laugh cut off my uncomfortable rant and said between smiles

"Hey… Whoa, hi… Don't worry its okay you didn't 'run over me like a drunk person' and didn't hurt me either" She flashed a smile and it made my lips curl up and smile at her as well "And I'm sorry too"..

"Well yeah.. " I said with a little smile still on my lips "It's no problem from my part, I'm still sorry, but you… Wait, you're grabbing onto your arm like it hurts. Crap, I did hit you hard didn't I?" I said while putting my bags on the floor and going to check if she was fine but not really daring to touch her.

"Oh no no, not at all.. I just had a bad landing while practicing a complicated dance move and fell on my arm on top of another dancer's foot, so yeah… bruise." She said while lifting her sleeve a little bit to let me have a look of her little purple bruise.

"Ouch, Im sorry for… I don't know, making it hurt again?" I said feeling a little guilty all of a sudden.

"Hahaha wow, you really like apologizing don't you?" Well that was weird, 'cause I don't really tend to be like this

"Don't worry… anyway you're.. visiting someone maybe?"

I laughed and said "Well, actually just moving in today..."

"Oh well great, welcome! My name's Brittany" She extended her hand and flashed me another smile, I looked from her hand to her eyes and smiled with my lips and returned the gesture "Hi Brittany, I'm Santana, It's a Pleasure..."

"So, you need help with those?, I can help you carry them to the elevator" she said.

"Oh. Yeah I think I'm going to take the stairs so- it's okay, don't worry about it"

"Seriously? With all of those bags? What floor are you going?"

"Well, my apartment's in the seventh floor…"

She raised her eyebrows and smiled a little "Wow, well that's kind of a long road don't you think?"

"No no, It's cool really, the thing is… I don't really do elevators, I'm kinda scared… of them…" I trailed off feeling embarrassed.

She giggled noticing how awkward I felt saying that and said "well would you look at that?, I live in the 7th floor as well so, let's go!" she said while taking two stacked bags from the floor and leaving two more there for me to grab

"Oh no wait no. I mean don't, you don't have to. It's okay you can catch the elevator and I'll just take the stairs, it's completely fine by me, I'm used to it. Back home I use to live in the 10th floor so this is a piece of cake actually.."

By that time she was already at the staircase and turn around and said "You're hard to convince, but that's cool. I think I like you." 'Hard to convince' hahaha, this girl hit that jackpot already.. I guess I am, depending on what im being convinced about though.. "Good thing I don't back down either. Now, I said let's go." She said in a sweet commanding tone and I just had to go with it. Happily, of course.

We took our time to go up till our apartments to not get tired and still keep talking

"So, how are you liking LA so far? Is it how you expected it?" she asked me

"Well, so far so good. I still feel weird but it's a good weird. I've come here before and from the little I've gathered there's a lot of change. I mean it is a whole new country.." I told her.

"I knew you had an accent, you're latin right? May I know where you from?"

"Haha yeah, I am. From Venezuela and yeah, this is all new to me but at the same time it's kinda familiar you know?"

"Yeah I got you, I'm from Arizona. Which is kinda different from LA in many aspects but I still feel like I'm in home you know? I fit in this place." She told me

"Yes I know. That's how I've always felt every time I came here… that's why I decided to move here instead of any other place"

"Well you seem very nice, I think I'm Glad you chose L.A" she said with a mega watt smile and we stopped because we reached our destination.

I stood there not really wanting her to see my face because truth is that it felt nice, to be alone and have someone already making you feel welcome… I really appreciated it.

"So, this is my new home". I said as I led her inside and we put the bags on the kitchen counter.

"This is nice. I like your taste." She said in a goofy sarcastic tone and I laughed "Well duh, I did just moved in, you can't expect me to have much going on in here. But I will, I promise, I have some great ideas for this place. Do you want something to drink?"

She nodded and eyed me and said "Wow you sound more serious than dreamy. You sound like a pro."

"Oh no, definitely not pro but it is what I do… I'm an interior designer." I said while taking out two glasses from the cabinet and started washing them

"Really? Wow, that is so cool, maybe you could give some ideas for my place too one day."

"Of course. Not only I'd love to but also it would be the least I could do after you've beeng so cool to me Right?." I said while giving her a glass of soda and sharing a smile with her "So, Have you been living here for long?... "

She took her glass and said a quick thank you and continued to talk "Well I've been living here for around a year and a half. I moved here when I was 20 to pursue dancing which is what I love to do and here I've gotten some cool jobs and training and well yeah. Been here ever since" She looked at her phone that had just buzzed and her eyes opened wide "Shit! I totally forgot I have to be at the studio right now… It sucks that i have to live without not even having 2 min here but.."

"What? No! I totally get it .. I'm sorry for holding you up. Go! You must be late already.."

She giggled "Again with the apologies… Well don't be sorry. It was me, don't mention it" she grabbed her bag and headed to the door

"Well… Thank you. For helping me and everything… It was nice of you" I said when we were outside the apartment feeling kinda awkward

"Well what are neighbors for right?.. You're welcome, hope you like this place… Maybe we'll bump into each other soon enough?"

"Hahaha Totally. And without me hurting your arm hopefully"

She rolled her eyes laughing a little and I raised my arms letting go "Finee.. I didn't hurt you.. Okay"

She laughed and said "There we go.. Making progress!.. haha.. I'll see you later neighbor!" She said with a wink and started walking to the elevator..

I entered my apartment again closing the door behind me and couldn't help the smile on my face..

Maybe this adventure is going to be better than I thought it would be.


	2. The little things

"When finding something new in your life, make the effort, change; take risks, live intensely ..."

Anonymous.

CHAPTER 2 The little things.

Have you ever woken up and just stayed in bed thinking about everything and nothing all at the same time?... I do, I suppose many people does as well. The thing is that this time I only see white in my thoughts, like a big giant white room, kinda like the one on the matrix when Neo stepped out of the programmed world and entered the absolute and 'real' reality. Pure white.

That's what I'm seeing right now when I think about my life. Well, speaking of my present and near future of course. Yesterday is full of black and white and colored moments and memories.

I've done this before. I've seen the 'white room' of my mind many times before, sometimes when trying to get my mind cleared or trying to fall asleep by force just to not focus on anything and try not to think when I don't feel like doing it, of course it has never worked. The times when I don't want to think about anything or something in specific are the times when my mind gets more and more crowded, sometimes by a lot of things, other times just by simply one. Those are the worst.

There have been other times… When thinking about love mostly, that I've visited that white room unwillingly, as if going to look or wish for something (someone to be precise) that could represent in my mind what falling in love and living some sort of a love story truly is, and ending up well, finding nothing, emptiness. I can only describe that as 'bittersweet'. Anyway, I don't really hold on to it. I suppose it'll come to me one day, someday, hopefully.

This morning's different though. I woke up with the light of the sun hitting me gently from my window and I decided to stay with my hands tugged under my new pillow and my legs curled up between them with the covers still on me and just watch the sunrays wherever they hit, on me mostly. I started thinking about me, my life, what I've done and lived and what has yet to come, I lingered on that thought for a while… Here I am, standing right in front of the first day of the rest of my life and all I see is white, the white room. And for the first time, I entered unwillingly and didn't feel that bitter sweetness, there was only white and I liked it. I felt a little scared and excited, driven and at the same time frozen, and maybe slightly numb for not knowing exactly where to begin with this 'new time in my life' thing. Each of those feelings combined, but the best and most important part (I guess) was that despite all of that, I feet content. Happy.

With that thought as a conclusion I decided to finally get up and start the day, I made my way to the kitchen to prepare and start the coffee machine while I went to the bathroom. I didn't had anything specific to do because I couldn't really practice my profession yet. All of my degree paperwork was still in the process of being accepted and endorsed here in the US, I'll probably have to get another year or so of studying or doing an internship here maybe to compensate, which I'm perfectly fine with. I do have a certificate to teaching English and Spanish as a foreign language in other countries so I'll have that backup for me there. Maybe I'll apply for a teaching job while everything settles, or just get any good job that can help me pay the bills.

I decided to continue with my morning jog tradition. It's amazing how incredible relaxing it feels to drain everything from you, even if it isn't bad. When I went out yesterday to do my grocery shopping I spotted a park right across the street from the supermarket. I took my keys and iPod I took off heading to that park.

The three blocks walk to the park went by pretty fast as I realized that I was actually right in front of it, so I took a deep breath, did a little stretching, closed my eyes and looked up, opening my eyes to find nothing but a blue sky, clouds and palm trees. It was beautiful, it made me feel at home, where houses are huge and palm trees are everywhere.

I looked on front of me and started jogging, passing by people walking their dogs, others sitting on benches and just chatting, just as I was going to finish my first lap I saw a familiar figure running in front of me, it was Brittany. I thought about catching up to her but then hesitated, I mean I did just met her, how annoying would that be?. I can't just pretend she'd like to talk to me just because she already did yesterday. And I can't expect to go to her every time I see her just because I don't know anyone else, she has a life. It's unfair, so no, I won't go to her, I'll just let her be and have her own normal day. Yes.

By the time I made my final decision I felt my shoulder bump into something, someone.

I turned my head to see and recognized the other shoulder that I bumped into, I looked up and of course, it was her.

Her face seemed a little shocked at first but when she saw my face her expression softened right away.

"Dammit! I am so sorry, I can't believe I keep crashing into you, I'm sorry I wasn't-—" I was forced to stop my rant due to lack of air, she must've notice this and by the look in her face she seemed really amused.

She grabbed me by the arm and made me look at her "Take a deep breath" she said almost laughing

I did, and a moment after I was able to normalize my breathing though it wasn't really that dramatic, she took my arm again and I looked at her, she pressed her right finger to her lips and then pointed to the road and I took my cue to just keep on jogging 'How many times can I embarrass myself?' I thought to myself. I decided to let it go and just press play on my iPod again and hoped that by the time we finish it would be long forgotten.

I enjoy jogging so much, I always feel as if I'm chasing something or trying to catch it. Normally you'd think that such a thing would make you feel completely stressed, as if trying to get something that you can never reach, but curiously that's not the case for me, for me it's like having something in sight and just going to get it, but at the same time enjoying the breeze that hits my face and admiring the view. I tend to take things from the better side, not the good one, just the better one.

By the time we were done I felt awesome, as usual, feeling like you left something that was holding you back behind.

"Well now we can talk" she said after catching her breath "Well that if you're not going to hit me again"

"Gosh… no, no. I'm sorry I seriously didn't mean to. I just… I'll start using my glasses 24/7. I promise"

She laughed at that comment and said "Good, I was starting to think that you might have a problem with me and if it is so, you need to know that even though I'm not really into violence and I never practiced any self-defense sport as a child, I've watched friends too much and I can really pull of all of phoebe's defense tactics. Also, Unagui." She said while making the appropriate gesture with her hand.

I couldn't help but laugh at that one, I'm a huge sucker for friends.

"Well of course not, I don't have a problem with you. In fact, I think I respect you too much now just because of phoebe. But I have to say though, you do not have unagui, I'm sorry."

"What? Don't dare me okay? I totally do"

"Well you sure as hell didn't seem prepared for danger when I bumped into you, you looked like I shocked you and that was it."

"Oh.. well I was, I am. Just that I don't show it" she said giving an excuse

I raised an eyebrow and smiled at her "Yeah sure you are."

"Whatever" she said laughing at me. "So I'm guessing you like to go out for a run from time to time huh?"

"Oh yes, I love it. Im guessing the same for you... Right?"

"You got it right! Well this is cool, it means we'll be seeing each other around here. What do you usually do after running?"

"Well just go home and do whatever it is that I have to do in the day, or just hang around if I can… Though right now I don't really have anything to do particularly"

"Well I'm having a few of my friends come over to the apartment over the weekend, since none of us can really make any other plans because of work or classes, we thought about watching movies and getting dinner and hanging around together… If you're still free, you should come!"

"Really? Is it okay if I stop by?"

"What? Of course! I wouldn't tell you if I thought it would be a bad idea.."

"Well awesome! I'll be there.. What time should I come? Should I bring something?"

"uhmm around 4 or 5.. ish? Maybe? Haha no, I don't think so… We'll probably just order in"

"Good then… I'll see you around"

We kept seeing each other in the mornings to go to the park together, it's totally better if you have company, and of course back home to do pretty much nothing, she had to take some time off from the studio due to some reparations that the owners of the building are doing, and they've been doing it by part to not cancel all the classes, so now it was her turn and now she had the free time, which was completely fine by me. I liked the company. I also got ahead with my degree stuff and soon I'll be starting a new designing course that I just found out so I'm happy about that too.

I appeared in her apartment that Saturday afternoon a little after 4, I brought a bunch of junk food too cause well… There's never too much food right?. She opened the door and greeted me with a smile.

"Hey, you're here! Come on in.." as I walked into her apartment I was amazed by the great atmosphere everywhere, she had an amazing couch that seemed like you could fall asleep there eternally with a brown carpet, a small bar, a flat screen, a play 3, and a stereo… simple but it covers everything, it made me feel comfortable right away. I could tell that she liked art and everything related to dancing from the pictures and canvas she had placed around the living room.

"You have a nice place, I like this"

"Yeah?, well I haven't really made much, but coming from you it's an awesome compliment!"

"Well it's homey and relaxing.. Me gusta"

"Haha you'll have to teach me Spanish if you're gonna do that ok?" She said while guiding me to the couch and heading to the kitchen "Do you want anything to drink? Soda? Beer? Water? Major Booze?" she said giving me a million watt smile from her fridge

"Uhmm you know what? I don't wanna do this, I'm terrible at deciding what it is that I wanna eat or drink, everything always sounds delicious or refreshing so if you don't mind I'll take whatever you're drinking"

"Haha then beer it is!" she grabbed two and proceeded to close the door with her hip and joined me at the couch.

"So am I super early or are any of the others on their way?

"Well actually you're on time, but it turns that my friend who works with me at the studio had a problem with her timing, and she said she'd be here as soon as she finishes practicing for a presentation she has next week, so.. yeah she'll be here,. Oh! And well Matt who's coming too, he lives on the 5th floor actually."

"Another neighbor? That's nice"

"Yeah, im sorry if I didn't tell you that you could come later but I figured that maybe you didn't have plans and we could still hang out…"

"Yes… sure we can, anyway I still don't know what to do with myself at home.. I mean I didn't brought with me so I can't do anything that I would normally do when I have free time so… You practically saved me"

"Well glad I could help!" I looked at her and smiled and then started playing with my fingers feeling a little insecure.

"Everything okay?"

"Yes, all good. It's just that it's weird you know? I've never been the type of girl who just knows how to talk to everybody so, maybe I get a little nervous from time to time about meeting new people, specially if I wanna like them."

"Aw, you want my friends to like you? How cute!" She said making fun of me. I rolled my eyes ather "Well yeah duh, I mean you're the only person I know here and you're great" I said shrugging and feeling slightly awkward.

"Well you're not so bad yourself" she said sweetly "So tell me, how are you feeling this far? Or what are those things that you usually do or like to do, I don't know spill something.. anything!" she asked while resting her head against a cushion and well I told her the basics about me, how I just graduated and was looking to expand my career.. how I actually used my career as an excuse to get to know and see other places, I mean I love it I do don't get me wrong, but I don't think I'll never be someone who just has her work as her life.

She told me about how she moved here to pursue dancing as a career and how it's being hard to get something just because it's a hard business.

Then we started talking about how funny she found the fact that I was terrified of elevators and how she's paranoid about spiders and she thinks they could kill her just for standing too close.

I just couldn't believe how comfortable and easy it is to just talk to her. I like her, for some reason I just can , like I can just be me without being awkward or something…

Matt and lexie arrived just about an hour after, bringing all types of food and movies, we decided to order pizzas and I had the time to talk to Matt and lexie, I really liked both of them, lexie its all kinds of awesome and Matt actually always had something cool and nice to say, they were all great, at one point I went to get some water from Britt's fridge because I didn't really wanna bother her, she was so into whatever was on the tv that I didn't feel like it, Matt was there he went to get another beer and we bumped into each other.

"Hey, you want one?" He said offering me his beer

"No actually I just want water."

"Okay, water it is" he took out his beer and put it in the counter and went to get a glass to give it to me, after he gave me a full glass he closed the door.

"So I take that you haven't been living here for long huh?"

"Nope!, barely a few days"

"Well a few days living here and yet here you are, I have to say we don't really let much people in this little group of ours so, talk about socializing skills!"

I laughed and made a dismissing gesture with my hand "Oh, no no. definitely not. But yeah, I think I'm pretty lucky, it's not easy to just move to another place and start any type of social life, and yet I feel so comfortable with you guys.. it's nice."

"Well that's because you're cool so, it's easy!" he shrugged and smiled genuinely

"…You guys make it easy" I said smiling like a kid

"Ha-ha! Well now you know about Britt and about lexie and me too, it's good that you're around"

At that point Brittany stood up and joined us in the kitchen; she put her arm around my neck and said "Well what does a girl have to do to finally see a movie with her friends? I mean I don't know about you guys but I'd like to see it today" she said in a sarcastic joking voice "Oh you were waiting for me? Wow I feel so important, well guess to you I am huh?" Matt replied back making Brittany punch him in the shoulder lightly

"Hey stop cornering Santana over there and get over here you guys!" lexie yelled from the couch

I laughed and we all turned around and went to the couch to get comfortable for the movie, Before we got there she stopped me and said in my ear "And you were worried about not liking them, just remember you met me first okay?" She said and winked at me.

After placing all the food in all the nearest places possible to avoid getting up during the movie, Matt threw himself in the couch right next to lexie and both of them stretched their legs and started eating. "Well I guess we'll share!" Brittany said making room for me in her spot and we both got under the blanket and watched American pie the reunion which was Brittany and I chose.

I don't think I could've had a better time in any other place in the world than being with Matt, lexie and Britt sharing food, movies and blankets.

Yeah, I definitely fit in this place…


	3. Our Connections

"All my life, my heart has yearned for a thing I cannot name."

-Andre Breton

 

"What is this love thing? How do you express it? How do you know you're feeling it? I personally consider myself completely unprepared for it. I might have an idea but I'm not sure I can actually define it or describe it." I said while pouring myself another glass of wine and rejoining Britt's couch, the very same one that's been fitting me perfectly for the past months of my life.

I'm not even sure about how we got into this conversation, we went for our morning jog this morning and decided to stay there for a little while when we finished, then we started looking at couples walking through the park and well, we talked about our past relationships.

Turns out Britt had a high school sweetheart, a football player named Mike, they were more friends than anything and stayed together during her junior and senior year and after school was over she moved here and he went to Chicago and apparently just couldn't maintain the long distance relationship so they decided to call it quit and keep it in the best of terms.

And me, Well I've never been one to be in a relationship so easily, I have trusting issues maybe. Most of my 'relationships' haven't really been a relationship per sé, although there was this one guy. Erick… He went in a different school than mine but we met in a soccer game, both of our schools were playing against each other and I happened to know some of his friends and so did he… We dated and he liked me but it never went more than that, unfortunately it did went as something more for me, he never had the courage to tell me and after a few month I let him go…

"What is love? Love's a feeling, and emotion, a way of life, a state of mind, or so I've been told… but probably not a 'thing' as you say" She said placing her legs on my lap

"Okay… sure. But how come it gets so easy to some people to tell another person 'I love you' and yet for me it's like… the hardest thing ever. Like, if I don't feel it well, of course I won't say it. But if I do, I gets so hard…"

"I think I know, it's hard for me too, like you don't know the way to put it into words so you just remain silent?"

"YES! Totally!" I said almost yelling and it made her giggle

"Well I don't know if I'm right but love for me is... Something you carry inside, like something we all have and something we're all a part of… And like us it is unfairly missed judged. Sometimes overrated and sometimes underestimated..."

"How come?" I tilted my head to the side waiting for her to continue, I love when she opens her mind up to me

"Well take me, for example. Most of the time people tend to take me as a dumb girl who's brain wasn't able to afford to go to college rather than her pocket, in high school I was probably consider the dumbest girl ever. I'm not gonna lie and say that I wasn't." I frowned when I heard that, something inside me wanted to find those people and give them something to think about. "My grades weren't definitely the best and I struggled with that, but eventually, I changed a few things about my personality and kept the essential, because I know I'm not the smartest, but I'm not stupid either, even without having a brain that could afford college I was smart enough to go after what I love, the arts. Dancing mostly. And I think that happens with love too, people tend to see the outside of it, without really paying attention to what's underneath, so they define it as something you feel towards another person, And then potentially fall in love. When actually, if you think about it, love can't be cornered to just one person, it can be everywhere, anywhere. When a parent holds their child for the first time, that's love. When two lovers share a kiss, that's love. When someone takes time to help a stranger in any way, that's love. When a friend holds their other friends legs on their lap. That can be a type of love too, don't you think?" I smiled widely at her. I was blown away by her thoughts and her incredible way of expressing them with such complexity and simplicity at the same time.

"Yeah, friendship it's definitely a type of love too" I said smiling and looking down

"Do you remember when you said you loved me for the first time not so long ago?"

"It was like what? 4 months ago? And I wasn't really aware of my actions though, I could've said anything if it meant that you would just let me sleep."

"Wake up."

"Wake up."

"Wake up."

"Oh my God, what did you do last night? You're naked!"

I hesitated and opened one of my eyes and looked under my covers only to see that it wasn't true and I was still in my space boy pajamas.

"God, It's official. I hate you with my soul." I said putting my hands over my eyes and trying to cover the light that was coming from the window.

"Everybody knows that 'hate' it's only a code word for 'love'. So what you actually mean is 'I love you with my soul.'" She said with a smooth grin on her face.

"Ugh, Well that's true too" I mumbled sleepily to my pillow and hugging it real tight.

"Wait, What was that?"

"I love you, but right now I hate you"

"Aw! Oh my God San, You love me! You never show it so easily, nevertheless say it" She said raising her voice and I covered my entire body with the covers, I really needed to sleep.

"Aw, look at you my little cutie, come here. Let me love you" she said making fun of me and poking me while sitting in the other side of the bed. I groaned and complained like a 5 year old.

"Oh come on! You know I need your help and you said you'd help me clean up my apartment after the movie mess we made yesterday and I just can't stand that living room anymore, so pleaseee."

"Ugh.. Okay mess cleaning… Sure, just… Shhh. 5 more minutes, okay? Okay." I said still with my eyes closed and with a childish voice while pushing her to rest her back against the pillows that were in the back of my bed and getting closer to her to rest my head on her stomach and hugg her with one arm. She went still under my uncharacteristic move and relaxed just a moment after.

"I honestly can't believe you…" She said while grabbing the remote control on the nightstand and placing her other hand over my head to make small movements with it and help me fall asleep faster.

"Mmhmm… Yeah." I said drifting off already

"… Just so you know, I love you too."

"I don't care, you said it!" she said while hitting my thigh with her foot

"Hey! Stop the violence!"

"Ha-ha, that's my phrase, you phrase stealer"

"Well maybe you should apply it huh?. Anyway, I do. I might not say it aloud a lot but I do you know? I don't know why or how but I feel like I can just talk to you, like we are so different in so many ways but still we can be ourselves around each other so easily. I appreciate that. And you need to know that. You're a great friend Britt, the best I've had in a long time"

She gave me this huge childish grin that she usually gives me when she approves or seconds my opinion. I would never tell her cause she'd probably make fun at me, but it kinda warms my heart.

"I don't really care whether you say it daily, I care that I know it and you it, that's what's important. We might not know each other for more than 9 months but we still found our way to understand each other, we fit san, that's what matters to me "

"Aaand what matters to me too." I said raising my glass to click it against hers "And also, you're one of the smartest and most talented girl I know Britt, okay? I mean it don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise"

"I know you do, and thank you San, I think the same way about you"

"Well will you look at that? We started talking about relationships and ended talking about us" I stopped a little to think about the innuendo there... "Talk about detours right?"

She laughed and said "No detours silly, we talk about what we know and right now what we know it's us"

"I couldn't have said it better Britt, I just couldn't have"

Next morning I woke up early, really, like 6am. I don´t know why but I always wake up extremely early whenever I sleep with Britt, her bed is awesome though, I always tell her how I want us to trade, if not our beds then our apartments and each of us should sleep a week in the others apartment and the next week in our own. Of course, she just says that I'm insane because my bed it's just fine, my room is so warm which she likes. I told her that I tend to get too cold too fast, my body temperature 's warm actually and I like it that way. So any time I'm a slightly cold area I feel it right away, mainly because I'm really not used to any type of weather changes other than from sunny to rainy and vice versa, that's because I don't have winter season back home or any other season for that matter, pretty weird huh?, yeah maybe. Anyway, so she's always saying that she doesn't know what I'm talking about.

I remember the first time I crashed at her place a couple of months ago, I kept scooching closer to her at night looking for something warm because I felt so cold and her covers just weren't enough, I usually use two. When she felt me so close she opened her eyes and said sleepily "You freezing aren't you?" I just nodded and she got up and grab a blanket from her closet and came back to bed, she put the blanket on me and said "there you go you little baby" I laughed and said thank you… She then hugged me and we went back to sleep.

It was about 9am and I was in her couch just surfing the channels when she came up with her groggy sleepy voice.

"You have to stop doing this"

I turned around and she was leaning on the wall with a hand covering her eyes "What?"

"This thing of getting up so early when you sleep here or I sleep at your place, I know you don't wake up so early in the morning so It's weird"

"Aw, I'm sorry, I don't know why I get up so early though, I don't mean to" I don't really know why I do that, I always have the best night of sleep when Britt's at my place or I'm at hers, it's nice because I know she's there with me and I'm not alone. I like that, but in the morning, I don't know. I just get up and leave the bed for some reason.

"But why is it weird?" I asked

"I don't know, it's just that I fall asleep knowing that you're there and when I wake up I expect to find you and then I don't so, I start wondering where am I because maybe it was a dream or something, it's confusing. I don't know, It's just that you're not there and I don't like it" she said sounding half asleep and a little exasperated and I could've swore she was the cutest thing in the world and something inside me jumped a little and I have no idea why.

"Oh, I see. Well I'm sorry" I said feeling a little distressed by that little jump, I just shook it off. "Uhmm, I made coffee by the way, it's in the pot"

"God thanks, just what I need"

I got up almost right away and offered her some toasts and bagels I bought for breakfast and sat down to eat

"You haven't eated yet?"

"Well no.. I just didn't feel like eating alone and figured you might feel the same way"

"Aw, such a lovely girl" she said pinching my nose

"Yeah, yeah. I am I guess" I said laughing

"So, I have a proposition for you." I frowned.

"Don't give me that look, You remember that time when I needed some days off to visit my parents because of their wedding anniversary?" I nodded

"Well this guy Jimmy took over my classes at the studio and I said that I owed him for the favor that he was doing. He just texted me saying that a group of friends were going out to a club tonight and that it would be nice if I could tag along with him as in returning the favor"

"Okaaay, where do I fit in all of this?" I asked feeling a little confused

"That I want you to come!"

"Me? Why?"

"I don't know, it'll be fun! Plus Jimmy's the only one I know from that group so.. if you could be there for me it would be a million times better." She said flashing a huge grin at me and I just had to go with it.

"Ugh... Fine, I'll go. I guess it's time for us to party right?" She clapped her hands and grabbed two bagels one for her and the other one she put it in my mouth "Now eat! You're almost drooling"

I laughed and went for the task.

Okay so, what the hell was I thinking?. I can't believe I said yes to this, I mean clearly I'll be like a third wheel tonight, how come I didn't thought about this when Britt told me? And how SHE didn't thought about this first?.

Okay maybe this isn't a date, I don't think Britt sees it that way at least, but maybe the guy does and just used this as an excuse to ask her out. Ugh, I hate mind games… if it is that way then I'm definitely a third wheel. I didn't feel like going at that point, but I couldn't back down now when I gave Britt my word that I would be there for her… Unless I find a date at the last minute, which wasn't likely considering I don't know that many guys here, Only a few at the company where I'm doing the internship and I don't go there every day only when needed so I don't really talk with those guys much… Then I thought of Matt.

I texted him telling him the whole story and that I needed him to join me, of course I added some extra drama to make him agree.

He called me and said that sometimes he felt like a big brother for us, and that I was ruining his poker night but that he was coming, I told him the time he should pick me up and we would meet in a couple of hours

It's almost 9 when I hear the doorbell and I opened to find Matt standing there he's wearing a grey shirt with black jeans that didn't look like jeans at all and some awesome shoes, he looked incredibly handsome.

"Wow, seeing the beautiful girl that I get to have as a date tonight makes me feel completely different about going out being uninvited." he said with a charming voice and I led him inside. I'm wearing a small golden but not so shining dress and high heels, my hair was loose and with waves. I felt comfortable.

"You were invited, by me. And look at you! I could say the same about you…"

"So what are we waiting here?"

"Just for Britt, she said that she would write me when she was ready to go to the club together" just then my phone beeped and it was Britt saying that she was ready to go so Matt and I headed out to her apartment

She was just closing her door when we found her, she had on a black dress with matching heels and her hair was loose and straight, she looked gorgeous and I smiled.

"Wow… Matt?" she said when she saw him approach her first

"I can see that you didn't know I was coming, thanks for the happiness though"

She slapped his shoulder slightly and hugged him "No, I didn't know you were coming dummy, hence, the surprise"

She then saw me standing behind Matt and looked at me from head to toes as if scanning me and looking for errors or something. I felt shy suddenly and cleared my throat "That was my idea" I said pointing to Matt "I thought I could use the company since you're going to be with someone and we could still have fun the three of us if that group turns out to be totally boring, hope you don't mind" I said straining up my dress and standing straight to gain some confidence.

"…Perfect." she said with a giggle and a smile when her eyes connected with mine and of course I smile too.

We took Matt's car to the club which was another plus of having him around, apparently Jimmy offered to pick up Britt but she declined saying that the club was far from her place and close to his according to his instructions and that she didn't mind finding him there, We entered the club and were instantly greeted with people dancing around to beat of the DJ, there was a lot of noise which I didn't really appreciate right away

We found a small table near the bar and sat there "Looks like we got here just in time, talk about loud!" Matt said to my ear

"Yeah I not a huge fan of screaming though" I said almost yelling at him

"I think we need drinks to catch up and get in the mood!" he said standing to head for the bar, we flashed him our smiles and told him what drinks we wanted and he took off

A few moments later Matt was back with our round of drinks and Britt saw a blonde guy and waved at him. I took him as Jimmy. He approach us and he seem too happy to see her

"Hey Brittany! You made it!" he said hugging her

"Hey! Yeah I did. This is Santana and Matt, My best friends."

He looked at us "Hey guys nice to meet you" he said waving

"Hi there, nice to meet you too" I said and then Matt did his part

"So where's the group?" Britt asked him while taking the drink Matt had brought her

"Oh they're around here somewhere.. There they are!" He said pointing to two couples dancing near the bar "And the others are getting drinks I think."

We took the first round at the table and soon enough we were all ready to party, so we all went to the dance floor. Britt, Matt, Jimmy and I were dancing near a corner when the rest of the group joined us, they were actually pretty cool people and easy going, although it was probably the alcohol in our veins that wouldn't let us care even If we tried.

I turn around and let the music take over me and then I noticed Britt dancing next to me I took her hand and made her dance with me, we must've looked like we were high. We kept dancing to the beat, she got closer and said "You look good san, did I say that?"

"You didn't, but thanks I feel good!" I said to her ear

"It's all I want!"

"How's everything with jim?"

"Good, he's cool"

"Well Good." I said

She pulled me by the arm and said "Don't worry" As if sensing something and I looked at her and rolled my eyes at whatever she was insinuating.

A few hours later I was already feeling the alcohol start to control me rather than the music, Matt and I decided to sit for a while and take a break, we were at our table when we saw Britt dancing with Jimmy, he looked like he was trying to get more than a dance move her by the way he was doing it. There's something about him.

Matt was starting to feel the alcohol too so and we took that as our cue to leave the place since he was driving so came up to Britt and we started to say our goodbyes. We left Matt at his apartment and headed to our floor, I didn't feel like walking anymore so when we got to Britt's apartment I decided to just crash with her…

"So you don't like Jimmy." It sounded more like a statement rather than a question

"Mmmm, What?" I said confused not only for the alcohol but for the comment

"I know, I might be drunk but I got the look on your face, and Matt's too" she said stumbling from the bathroom to the bed in her pijamas, I borrowed one from her and changed in the bathroom

"It's not really that bad it's just… he likes you. Or at least I think so, but there's something that didn't seem right, like, why didn't he ask you out properly? or why did he had to dance like that with you to show that he likes you or that he's attracted to you?" I said letting out a slightly frustrated breath and realizing that I was sounding like a jealous friend without meaning to.

"I don't know Britt, I'm sorry if we looked like we didn't like him, I never meant to make anything awkward" I said going to bed feeling dizzy and hiding behind the covers to avoid freezing.

"You didn't. I just noticed. I noticed everything, and yeah he could've tried a better approach if he does like me, but even then, that doesn't me I do, and yes he was trying to get something more, He said I was the pretties girl in the club tonight and he just wants to kiss me and then he tried but I stopped him without having to do much, he got the point and then you and Matt came to tell me that we should leave, and you saw him, he didn't try anything after so, I'm just happy that he understood. So don't worry. Neither of you."

"How come you're so smart Britt Britt?'" I said turning to face her side.

"You are one of the few who think that"

"You were the prettiest girl tonight too" I said without thinking it through

She smiled and said "We both were"

"Damn right"

She came closer to me and whispered "Im cold" and then she put one arm under my body and the other around my waits as if holding me and then placed both of her arms under my shirt and rested them on my back making small patterns on my skin and holding me close to her. I froze and couldn't move, I felt my heart beat against my chest and hoped she couldn't feel it. I don't know why I could feel it.

"You're so warm. I could never be cold with you"

If her skin was cold, I couldn't feel it. I couldn't think, I think that maybe I didn't wanna do anything that would move her away.

She opened her eyes and locked them with mine and we held our looks for a while.

Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was that we both appreciated the closeness of our friendship or maybe this was just us being best friends, I've never had a best friend and never someone like her... All I know is that I didn't want her to move, I could've stayed there forever

"Don't go." She said looking right into my eyes

"I can't" I said with all honesty.

"Don't go, promise you'll be here in the morning when I wake up" she said while looking at my eyes

"… I Promise" I said and she drifted off to sleep.

From all the people I could've met, from all the things I could be doing, from all the places I could've move to. This is what I'm doing, This is where I am and this is who I am with, and for the first time I feel like I've found my place… That's scary.

I could feel the sleep taking over my body. There'll be so many question tomorrow….

 

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A/N.

I'm sorry for the delay, but It was the end of semester so I had to focus on school.  
I hope you like this, I'm very happy with it and would love some feedback and opinions  
Quick question: Would like to read some of Brittany's POV or should i keep this just with Santana's?  
Please help me out here, I'd be happy to give your thoughts a chance :)  
Thanks for reading! Hope you stick around.


	4. Paradise

"Passion rebuilds the world for the youth. It makes all things alive and significant."  
Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

The next morning I woke up as early as I usually do but didn't move from where I was. I stayed glued to my spot mainly because Britt had her arm spread across my stomach. It was a little hard for me to put two and two together, actually I felt a little scared when I couldn't register right away how I ended up in Britt's house, but then I turned around on my side and faced her, she had her hair on her face and half of it was buried in the pillow. She looked so peaceful and beautiful, as always…

I tried to move and release myself from her grip without waking her up, but It was a lost cause at that moment when her grip became impossibly tighter.

"No… You promised, I won't let you" she mumbled to her pillow without opening her eyes

I didn't say anything, so I just decided to snuggle up to her to try feel warm with her body in a very similar way as she did last night, but without touching her. My head was resting between the crook of her neck and her chest, I was completely covered up by the blanket she always gives me when I get super cold and that now I know where to find, I had both of my hands pressed against my chest and her head was basically in the same position as it had been, just that now it seemed to be resting above mine.

"I was going to try turn off the A/C for a bit, I'm just freezing and I can't stand it. Plus, my head hurts, like really… And I just want to sleep" I said in my whiny and sleepy voice while adjusting myself to her

She laughed a little and said "You're such a baby San" she placed the bed covers on us and readjusted herself so now her head was slightly in front of mine but we weren't face to face… She just kept hugging me and placed soft kisses on my forehead

"Try to sleep , okay? That might help with the headache"

It's amazing how peaceful everything is around her. She just makes everything better in a heartbeat without really doing much, I feel so drawn to her…

She hugged me tighter and I realized how incredibly good she smells, I snuggle closer to her as her arms requested me and I let my nose travel the path of her collar bone. I should've probably seen it in that moment, that this could be awkward or inappropriate for her but I wasn't really paying attention to that.

I could feel the rise and fall her chest while breathing, it was in such a steady rhythm that it got me and I just went to another place. For a moment, I wasn't in this bed or even with Britt, It was just me there, in the small place between the neck and chest of this amazing person, with my eyes closed and breathing the air surrounding me that it was filled with the perfect scent of her.

I reached my mouth to her collar bone as if trying to grab a piece of her and kissed her, so slowly I almost didn't feel the touch of her skin against my lips.

She froze and every piece of her body that was connected to mine went delicately still in that moment, I didn't mind it, I just closed my mouth and trailed my lips slowly toward her neck, barely touching but without breaking contact and went for it again. I was in a daze, I felt like I was in nowhere, anywhere and everywhere at the same time.

She swallowed hard and arched her head towards me just the tiniest bit, I felt the hand that had been on my waist all the time start pulling me against her while doing so, as if releasing herself from her tension and giving in. I gave her small kisses and finally tilted my head to the side a little to go for her pulse point, I felt like I was in paradise. The grip of her hand went from light to strong and moved from my waist to my hip, pressing against it and then she stopped abruptly and moved her hand right away, that's when it hit me.

I opened my eyes and froze just as she did, and felt how my breath got caught in my throat, I didn't want to move, or I couldn't. I didn't want to talk to her, all I could think of was how could I do this to her? Or why?.

I couldn't stay there, I felt embarrassed and so bad, I let her go and got up immediately.

"Uh, I... I'm sorry. I'll go, I have to go" I went to the living room trying to find my purse to get my keys and live her alone, I just felt so incredibly confused, why did I do that? She's my best friend!, then I remembered last night, how we fell asleep and how she held me close, maybe that was it, maybe that's why I did it.

But that's just who she is, an incredibly loving person, that's how she expresses her affection, it doesn't mean I can just kiss her like that because I felt like it. God, I really did felt like it. I can't believe I could overstep my boundaries in such a way with her. What's wrong with me? I-

"Stop." She came from her bedroom cutting my thoughts; her face looked like she had a million and one things in her mind. Of course I stopped, I didn't move I didn't even know how to act around her anymore I just stood there and remain silent.

"Don't to this, please. I mean, let's just…don't" she didn't looked like she knew what to say either

"Britt, I… I'm so sorry, I just, I can't.. I can't explain myself right now, that's the truth. But really if I did anything that made you feel awkward or if I disturbed you.. I, I didn't meant it! I just… I don't know what happened, but I'm sorry" I said out of breath and completely confused and like I just rambled and didn't really say anything.

"You didn't mean it.. Okay, I know… I'm sorry too"

"I don't even know what to say"

"Then don't. let's just… We're friends." That was all she said she sounded serious and maybe angry? I don't know but It was like something inside me cracked. 'We ARE friends, that's what we are. Why am I feeling this way? We're friends. She could and maybe should be mad at you Santana, she's your friend, what she's always been, get it together'

"I know, I don't mean like we're something- I mean that's why I shouldn't have… I, I don't know." That was all I could say and I felt like slapping myself for not explaining it better

"Sure, I mean we're friends, (Why is she repeating it over and over? Gosh.) we care about each other, maybe that was it, I don't know, It just… it surprised me, but it wasn't just you, it was both of us. I was there too, And I remember how I hugged you yesterday... I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable, I-"

"No!, I mean, you didn't, it wasn't wrong I mean… friends hug each other all the time, specially girls.. I just don't know why I—ugh. I'm so sorry Britt. I—"

"San stop, I hate it when you do this thing of apologizing over and over… Stop it please."

I just nodded and decided to no talk or say anything anymore, I felt tears threatening to fall 'Oh great now you want to cry, don't you dare Santana López, stop.'

Her eyes softened but her attitude didn't, still she said "Look… it's okay. I'm not mad at you I just don't like it when you apologize to me when you really don't have to. Don't worry okay? I'm sorry too then if I had something to do with it that bothered you, It's okay I mean… I guess it happens sometimes. I don't know. Don't make it a big deal, relax." I didn't feel relaxed at all for some reason, she's obviously mad at me, I feel like something was burning inside me

"I guess so… just, okay."

"Do you still want to go?" She asked in a tone that didn't really sounded like 'please stay'

"Uhm, I should go probably, yes"

"Well… Okay, I think I have a headache, I need to take something" she said turning away from me and heading to the kitchen as if going to look for something, maybe for her headache.

So I just turned away and walked out of her apartment.

Matt called me saying that It was really cool of me to offer my apartment for the traditional cocktail/movie night extravaganza since 'his place's trashed and it just can't happen there'

"What are you talking about? I didn't offer my place, it's your turn."

"I know you didn't, I did."

"WHAT?, but Matt! What the f-"

"Hey, hey, hey. Quick question: Who was the one who took you out on short notice just to keep you company?, I can't seem to remember…"

"Ugh… I hate you."

"I love you too. So it's settled right?"

"But No!.. I don't want to! I was even thinking of not going tonight.."

"What are you talking about? You can't bail on us, no one's allowed to."

"But it's just… I have a lot of stuff to do, A LOT. I have to draw this plans for this new museum they company's remodeling and I have to impress them you know? that's basically nights and nights of work."

"No one's allowed to bail and you're the newbie, you can't make mistakes."

"Again, what are you talking about?" I said wanting to laugh at his comment but not daring to

"I don't know, I'm just trying to scare you, so what's with you and Britt anyway?" I lost all my words at that comment

"W-What do you mean? (Did she tell you something? She hates me right?)."

"Well every time I talk to you, you always have something to say about her and so does she, and I haven't seen you two together all week I think… So, something's up"

"What? No! I don't know, maybe she's busy. I haven't had time to catch up with her with everything I've been doing, but I think she's okay" I said trying to use my most convincing voice. God I hate lying to him.

"Yeah, right. Something went down and you're not telling me. That hurts you know? I always tell you my stuff, like that time I went out with the gymnast and it was AWESOME" I rolled my eyes at the phone "And you don't tell me anything? You're a terrible sister."

"Sister? Aww we're sibling's now? Come! Let me love you!"

"No. Well, whatever, maybe not"

"Oh c'mon don't give me that betrayed puppy voice, look nothing happened, we just haven't hung out much this week, it's really nothing biggie"

Well I hope it's nothing big, I hate lying to matt, after Britt, he's been like brother to me. He's the type of person you can just talk to without ever feeling judged or anything. I wish I could tell him but I don't even know what to think myself, this whole week I've been trying to find a way to get things back on track with Brittany, I actually talked to her calmly and apologized for freaking out on her and basically acting like a drama queen, I tried to be as honest as I could be. I told her that maybe I just got used to being close with her and I was sorry if I overstepped or something, I just hated feeling her so apart over something so silly, whatever it was, whatever I felt that morning or the past days, it's not worth it if it brings us apart.

I tried, I really did and even though she said there was no problem I still feel her like she's slipping away, I hate that. So I decided to give her some time and just let her be… I miss her so much. I wish I hadn't done anything.

"Are you there?" Matt's voice brought me back to earth

"Yeah, I was just thinking what should we eat now that -thanks to you- I have to host the movie night." I said shrugging my thoughts away

"Oh! Well that's what I wanted to hear… Anyway, you don't have to. Britt said that we should just order in from this new sushi place that according to her it's like Japanese heaven"

"What? Britt's coming?"

"Of course she is. NO ONE BAILS. It's a law."

"Oh. Right. Okay well, ordering in sounds better… I guess I'll see you guys tonight then."

"You bet baby, save my spot in your couch for me , okay? I'll see you later, love ya"

"I won't, and okay. I'll see you hon, love you too".

Everybody was her by nine, but we decided to turn our movie night in a Drinks/Semi Party/Movie night, after we found out that lexie's going on tour for two months with Chris Brown, that's huge!

"I can't believe this! My baby's touring with Chris Brown!" Brittany yelled after swallowing a shot of tequila

"I know! I still can't believe it, I feel like I'm dreaming and I'll wake up any minute now"

"I'm already looking for tickets for the LA show, I am so gonna be there lex… I'll be the one making wolf sounds every time you dance, okay?" Matt said bringing yet another round of shots

"Woah. Take it easy there mattie. If I didn't know you any better I'd say you're trying to get us drunk" Britt said pulling out a chair and sitting next to me

"Me? Well yes… But not in a bad way, I wouldn't do that to you, other girls? Maybe, But not you."

Everybody just rolled their eyes at him and he shrugged It off.

"Hey" Britt said looking over at me

I choked on my shot when I heard her and looked behind me to see if she was really talking to me "Oh, 're having fun?"

"Yeah! I missed hanging out with this clowns like this"

"I know, I like it, I'm so happy for lexie too"

"Yeah! I'm so stoked! I can't wait to hear everything about it I know she'll kill it"

"She deserves it" I said while looking at lexie who was throwing popcorn to matt to see if he could catch it with his mouth.

"Hey… are we okay?"

I turned my face to look at her "I don't know sweetie, I'll let you answer that"

"Do you love me?" she asked

"Always" I said without having to think about it.

"Then that's all" she said and I felt relieved at how easy she could dissipate any awkwardness between us with a smile.

I smiled at her back and grab her hand to lead her to the couch where matt and lex were getting ready to watch the movie while fixing up some drinks and snacks "There's something you're not saying or showing. I just want you to know that I can tell. But that's okay." I said letting go of her hand to sit down

"Maybe…. But we're watching a movie now."

We decided to watch musicals cause it was 3 girls against 1 guy anyway. and just take shots according to the type of songs. Of course, that ended up getting everybody slightly tipsy, Britt and I decided to start eating to avoid getting so hammered which actually worked since we were in a pretty good shape by the end of the two movies we watched, that wasn't the case with Matt and Lexie though, they both fell asleep taking over all of the space of my living room after pushing together everything we could find to build a fort (That was Britt's idea, which is why I accepted of course)

"So I guess this two are staying here" Britt said while looking at them snore

I giggled and said "Well of course, I'm definitely not cleaning up this mess alone tomorrow. They have to stay."

"Oh I see you have a plan…"

"I always do Britt, always do."

"I don't wanna miss their faces in the morning when you make them clean"

"Well you can stay too, we can make them miserable together" I said and immediately remembered than usually when Britt stays she sleeps with me and I didn't really want to go to the awkward place again "I can fix up the guest room for you, maybe put those toy story sheets you like?" I said taking some plates to the kitchen, she smiled and said "Can I borrow some Pj's?"

"Of course you can silly, let's go" we went to my bedroom to grab some pajamas and change, i went to the bathroom and she did it in my room, I fixed her up in the guest room with the pillows she uses from my bedroom and her blanket

I stayed with her for a while when she was in bed and after I saw her yawn I took my cue to let her sleep, I got up and placed a kiss on her forehead

"When did you become this lovely?"

"I haven't, you're the only one I'm 'lovely' with"

"Am I? Well, lucky me" she said winking at me and I rolled my eyes at her..

"Whatever, Good night Britt, I'll see you in the morning"

I was just about to leave when she spoke "…You know, talking is hard" she said looking at her hands

"huh? What do you mean?"

"I don't want us to change..."

"Oh…. Kay… then let's not" I said standing in front of her and looking for her eyes, I know she's trying to say something and I want her to do it, whatever it is, I want her to feel like she can tell me anything "Britt, if there's something you want to say… you can do it okay?, good or bad you can always tell me."

She looked towards the door and stood up "Yeah please, let's not"

She walked to my room and I followed her "Can I be honest?"

I narrowed my eyes at her "Yes, please."

"I hate your guest room, It makes me feel like… a guest?"

I laughed at her comment and said "You want to share with me? Is that what you're trying to say but can't?... come on, share with me. I'll be a good girl." I said sitting on my bed motioning her to join me "Just please talk Britt, I hate went you don't it. Don't be afraid to express what's on your mind to me, never. Even if you think it might hurt me or whatever, just talk. Okay?" I said while getting inside the covers.

She edged closer and said "Express… that's not the same as talking. That's a good way to put it" she said as if thinking about it, I smiled at her clumsiness "I know, I know it's hard to say what's on your mind to me right now, but I'll be here until you find a way"

She looked at me and got closer…. "I don't want us to change" she said while getting inside the covers as well, I patted the pillow for her to lay on it and looked at her "then we won't" and it was my turn to wink "You want me to hug you?" I asked and she nodded so I did.

She rolled over to face me and I held my breath, trying to control whatever it is that comes to me whenever I see those blue eyes

She looked right at my eyes, so softly and so determined at the same time, it looked like she finally found her way to say whatever she meant to say all night.

"No changes?" she said while placing her hands on my waist.

I swallowed hard and said "Okay" i closed my eyes as she got impossibly closer to me so I held my breath, she then rested her head on the pillow and was close to my cheek, she went for my neck placing small kisses on it, i felt like I've been lost for a very long time and was just found by her.

We stayed like that for a little while and then she rolled me on my back and tried to reach the other side of my neck placing half of her body on top of mine, she trailed small kisses through my jaw line until she reached my pulse point in such a excruciatingly soft way, I had one arm under her body and pressed it against her waist, making sure to put enough pressure to assure her that I wanted her completely on top, she obliged and rested her forehead against mine just feeling each other this close. I grabbed her face with both of my hands and kissed the side of her face, she rested her body on top of mine and I decided to change positions, she did the same I did with her and pulled me on top of her.

I felt so powerful and yet so insecure at the same time, I don't think neither of us knew what we were doing to each other, we just knew we wanted something. I arranged my body over her and when I did she closed her eyes at the sensation, placing her hands on each one of my hips and moving them across my back and the sides of my breasts, I had my head slightly arched back allowing myself to feel her hands on me and exposing my neck to her, she kissed all the way from my neck to my jaw taking my chin on her mouth and biting with just a little pressure, I gasped and she pressed me against her, everything felt so soft and passionate and yet we weren't really doing anything, even then I can assure you I've never felt anything like it.

I kissed her neck and collar bone and when she let out a breath she pushed me downwards, I lifted her shirt without showing her breast, mostly because I felt like I wasn't ready. Her breathing was so slow even though she took long and deep breaths, she was trying let go and collect herself at the same time.

I took my time and savored every inch of the skin my lips touched going up again to face her and rested my body beside her, she placed her hands under my shirt, caressing my back and sides and I no longer felt out of breath at her touch, on the contrary, I felt as if breathing for the first time after holding the air inside for so long.

It's amazing how she can just simply fix me without me not even knowing that I was broken, she leaned in and kissed the side of my mouth and just with that touch she completed me. There is so much more that we could do, so much more that we could feel and yet this was… everything. I know that if I would've had more i could've died, I felt like she was this new drug, something you just can't say no to. I can't bring myself apart from her, so I just stayed there, by her side. My very own Paradise.

 

A/N: i hope you like this. keep hanging in there.

Comments and thoughts are welcome.


	5. Come Back

Chapter 5

I opened my eyes to see blonde hair spread across my pillow and myself snuggled to britts side my arm on britts waist and my face close to her chest, she had her eyes closed and looked so peaceful, I decided to give her some more room to rest so I moved my arm away so she could get more comfortable, she did and I fell asleep again while looking at her.

I woke up an hour later and placed my arms on the other side of the bed again looking for Britt and felt something strange inside of me when I found emptiness. I went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth and went to the kitchen to get me some coffee and wake up a little bit.

"Well look who finally decided to wake up"

I looked around as if trying to find someone else there "Uhmm.. Me?"

"hahaha yes you!. Morning… I'm guessing you need coffee?"

"God yes please…." I said while throwing myself on the counter and pouted

"So… for the past eight months you'd been the one person I've grown really attached to, even more than with matt and that is to say a lot!, But I have to say… I never thought of you as being all 'cuddles and snuggles in the morning' type… And definitely didn't thought of you as being the 'cartoons' type of girl"

"Uhmm… Well… I'm sorry?" I said while sitting straight and avoiding eye contact

"Huh? What for?... Please tell me we're not going to the sorry ville again, that's like the worst ville ever and I might have to punch you."

I smiled a little and placed my hair behind my ear "Well I don't know… mmm sorry I guess" why am I getting all awkward with this?

"Why are you getting all awkward with this?" Oh my God, is she a mind reader?

"I don't know, I guess I didn't know I was like that… I didn't think so… Anyway, sorry"

"Well I'm not gonna lie, It was kinda akward to wake up when the TV was on by magic, i thought aliens were coming, and I was kinda surprised to see it on Disney, I definitely didn't see that one coming but I guess It couldn't think much while you were all baby cuddly on me, for a second I thought you were four." she flashed a smile and handed me a cup of coffee

"haha oh my God… Don't go there"

"What? But why? I'm being honest here, you hit a soft spot.."

"Briiitt… stoop!" I said hiding my face

"Whaaaat? I'm just saying…"

"hahaha stop it, please" I said pouting and placing my chin on my hands

"Ouch, you can't use that pout on me, I told you it's not fair."

"Well don't mess with me while im still half asleep, that's not fair either… and don't tell anyone about Disney, please" I said smiling really quickly

"Haha why? I love it! I still watch Disney. But what is up with that anyway?

"Well… I tend to get nightmares if I fall asleep watching any type of movies… I don't really sleep and wake up all exhausted, so I got use to watching cartoons at night and well.. yeah."

"Aww… aren't you just precious?" she said grabbing one of my cheeks with her fingers, I rolled my eyes at her and moved on the subject

"So… how did you sleep?" I asked a little lower that I intended to

She stared at her cup of coffee and smile a little bit "I… It was amazing."

I could feel my heart swelled up just for that comment, I know that probably I should feel weird about this connection I feel with her, but it's just so strong that It practically controls me, I don't want this, whatever this is or could be to end.

"Do you… want to.. talk? About anything?"

I was brought back to earth by her voice at that moment "Uhm well, I don't know britt, I feel good… I like this morning, LA has pretty beautiful mornings, I haven't noticed, I guess that's pretty much how good I feel.. I feel okay." I said with my voice fading and looking to the living room window "But if you want to talk about it, anything, more deeply of course I could do it.. maybe I wouldn't make any sense but yeah, I could talk" I said turning back to her and finding out that she had the warmest, tiniest smile on her lips while looking at me

"I don't know either, I mean usually you talk about things like this, things that matter… but, somehow I think… maybe I said a lot last night, i think you did too" she said and I could feel the air getting slightly tense around us but like in a cozy way.. I liked it.

"Well I did.. I guess we both did, maybe that's why we don't like there's much to say, we said it.. can we figure out what it means little by little?"

"Yeah.. We totally can.." she said smiling once again to me and we both went to the couch to watch some TV, we didn't do anything we just sat there next to each other and I felt happy, loose, free, relaxed, I felt good.

After about 20 min of watching nothing basically Britt talked again

"So, I'm sorry but, when are you going to realize matt and lexie aren't here? I mean sure, getting drunk is normal but maaaybe you could ask how was their morning? If they felt good or terrible?.. it's just, kinda mean you know?"

"Oh my God!, where are they? When did they leave? Why did they? They gotta feel shitty with all the tequila they drank last night, did they eat something before they leave? I didn't even got to watch them clean and that was the best part!" I said almost yelling at Britt which I noticed so I just shut my mouth and looked at her apologetically

"Gosh hold on a bit will you? Hahaha.. Okay, they both left, lexie had rehearsal which has to be going terribly for her if she still has the huge headache she had this morning, and matt woke up when she started making all the noise she did, she woke me too actually I heard her from the bedroom and decided to get up to help her a little bit and maybe giving her some breakfast, you know. And Matt just left cause –and I quote- 'your couch must be cursed, it's so damn uncomfortable to sleep in'."

My jaw hit the floor "My couch is what?! i.. I mean.. that's so mean!.. That bastard, my couch is awesome, Is like heaven made furniture, I chose this, specifically. How can he say something like that? He's completely distrusting my professional skills which is rude and so not true, I'm awesome and my house is awesome just like me, how dare he to imply that-"

"San.." she took my arms I was now sitting crossed leg and facing her "Everything about you and your house is awesome."

"Damn right it is!. He's not allowed to sit on this couch anymore, too much awesomeness for him and I am so kicking his ass when I-"

"I think is very comfortable, can that be enough for now please?" she said giving me this motherly look and I actually felt like a four year old for a moment

"Well… yeah. Okay" I said releasing myself from her grip and rearranging myself next to her and resting my head on her shoulder

"He still not allowed to sit on it ever again" and Britt put her arm around my shoulder

"Okay" she said

"Never ever"

"Okay"

"And im still kicking his ass when I see him."

"Okay". And we went back to watch teen mom on the TV.

After my whole Couch-house-self defense drama moment, I actually called lexie to see how she was holding up and to ask her if maybe she would like to have a lunch date with us, I was getting pretty hungry myself, She accepted and said it was an awesome idea because she wanted to talk to Brittany about something and lunch was just perfect to do it. We decided to meet at some restaurant that lexie picked and I handed the phone to Britt to get the address, I'm kinda hard to learn addressed and street names and stuff so I think I'll be forever new or lost in this city. And anything that makes me go 2 or 3 block further than what I've seen or know just means that I'm officially lost.

Britt went to her place to get ready and I did the same, an hour later we were both at hour door, I smiled at her cute little outfit and she did the same with me, she started heading towards the staircase and I turned to look at the elevator

"You know what? Maybe I can do this." I said

She turned around and looked at me, "You mean the elevator? Are you sure?"

"Yeah, honestly I always feel guilty when you have to use the stairs just because you're with me, I know you don't mind but it just, seems unfair.."

"You and your whole deal with fairness.. I don't care san, I don't want to go all claustrophobic in there.."

"Yeah I know but when I'm with you it's just.. better, it's okay" she smiled when I said that and I felt a little embarrassed "Plus, it's like I'm going to be there for a whole day.. unless it breaks down and we get stuck in there… forever" I said looking to the elevator doors, evaluating them and feeling slightly terrified.

"That's not going to happen, plus in the very, extremely, almost impossible case that it would happen, there's a red phones that connects to someone that could easily help us and get us out in a heart beat."

I nodded, took a deep breath and just pressed the button.

The doors opened and Britt got in first taking her hand out for me to take it so I did and got inside, the doors closed and I started to feel my heart my raise, I just pressed my face to her collarbone and hold her hand tight, she held on to me and soon enough (it seemed like it took forever to me) we were at the lobby

"San we're here" Britt nudged my shoulder and I opened one eye to check my surroundings, I noticed the doors were open and practically jumped outside the elevator which made Brittany laugh

"See? That wasn't so bad…"

"It wasn't cause you were there.. when I was little I got stuck at my buildings elevator for over an hour, I was alone and It was pretty much traumatizing.."

"Well this wasn't that case and it will never be, I'll always join you on the elevator, I promise silly."

After a short walk we were at this small but really cute Italian restaurant, lexie was waiting for us on a small table by the window, when we spotted her we went in.

"Heeeey lex luthor!" Britt said in rally enthusiastic tone which wasn't really appreciated by lexie by the look on her face

"Hey Britt, no need to yell" I laughed at her gave her a hug as a hello

The waiter came and we gave them our orders

"How are feeling Ms. I can drink a lot no matter if I have to work the next day?"

"Ugh, funny, I'm feeling better, still with the headache though, and I didn't know I had to work today by the way, I wouldn't have taken all those shots if knew, they call me first thing in the morning for an emergency rehersal"

"Really? How cool!, why was that?" Only Britt could think that a 7am call could be cool..

"Well one of the girls from the dance crew had a little accident and broke hurt her wrist so she has to have a 2 weeks break or maybe more according to the doctor, so she's out of the picture now and we have to figure out how fill her spot"

"Wow that's gotta suck big time I mean, Chris Brown tour and you break your wrist?. Though luck" I said

"Well yeah I know that's a bummer and tough luck for her, but great luck for another girl…" lexie said and soon enough the waiter came with all of our orders.

"Hey that's true! Someone will have to fill-in for her, that gotta be exiting for whoever tries out, they have a chance!" Britt said while taking a bite of her pasta

"That's the thing though the tour is starting next week and the first rehearsals are going to be in Chicago where the first concert 's going to be.. so we have no time, we need someone good and now." Lexie said playing with her food, I agve her a look and told her not to. I mean, food's not to be plaay with, she rolled her eyes and continued talking.

"Which is why I stepped in and gave an idea, which they love by the way"

"Really? What was it?" Britt always seem really excited with anything that has to do with dancing

"Well… I suggested you for the spot, Britt and you would have to leave with me tonight and we'll touring together with Chris Brown for the next two weeks" lexie said taking a closer look to Brittany eager for her to say yes

Britt and I both choked on our food and said "What?!" at the same time, lexie laughed and said

"Well yeah a lot of the dancers know who you are from the academy and they know you're an amazing dancer so they both agreed, plus someone showed the beyonce number video you did and they loved it, they all agreed that you should have at least a shot. The thing is, Do you want to tour with Chris Brown?"

Brittany was frozen in her spot and so was I, I looked at her and she had this glow in her eyes that was just undeniable she'd love to go, But it was 2 weeks, 2 weeks or more, without Brittany the same Britt that this weird but extraordinary connection with me, the same Britt I can't think myself sleeping without now… I thought I'd have more time with her to figure this thing between us together but I can't hold her dreams back.

"Uh, I… I don't know what to say… A freaking Tour with Chris Brown?!" she almost screamed in the middle of the restaurant

"hahaha yeah! Chris freaking Brown Britt!"

She was ecstatic, so excited that didn't even know what to say, so I said it for her

"Of course she's going, I mean Chris Brown!" I said trying to sound excited for the whole thing, maybe too excited and not so much believable

Lexie gave me a million watt smile and started nodding, Britt on the other hand turned around to face me and her expression changed, like she just realized we wouldn't be together for a little while, a little while we both knew we wanted to spend together even though we haven't said anything about it.

I took her hand and squeezed it, reassuring her that she should definitely do this, she gave me a grateful smile and turned to face lexie.

"Oh my God, I guess I have to pack? I'm leaving to tour with Chris Brown, Holy shit!"

"YEEEAH! That's what I wanted to hear, it's going to be A-MAZING!" lexie said while raising her glass and we join her on her cheer.

It was already dark and we were still at Britt's apartment packing everything she needed or might need for her trip, she arranged all of her money stuff and plain tickets with lexie in the afternoon, apparently she just had to take the place the other dancer had so it wasn't a big deal.

We had pretty much had everything done, lexie was picking Britt up and I wasn't going to go with them to the airport, I claimed to have a lot of work to do but honestly I just wasn't in the mood to watch Britt take off on a plane, for some reason that just made my heart flinch.

Lexie texted Britt saying that she already here and ready to help carry the bags at the lobby so we took Britt's bags headed downstairs, I told her to use the elevator, and she hesitated but accepted anyways, when we were inside she took my hand and held me close to avoid the claustrophobic feelings. I just hugged her extremely tight and got really close to her, I wasn't really thinking about my claustrophobia, I just didn't want to let her go and this was the perfect way to cover it, I buried my face in her neck and breathed her scent again, she shivered and held me close so strongly.

We felt the elevators breaks and when we realized we were almost there Britt pressed the hold button to avoid the doors from opening.

She turned to face me again, one hand on my wait and the other one on the button, I pressed myself against her feeling drawn to her and a little scared for the elevator stopping, she did the same thing as I did and buried her face on my neck, placing small kisses and bringing her lips to my cheek, she then pressed her forehead against mine for a moment and we both let out a breath. Then she kissed my nose and my other cheek and brought her lips slightly above mine, I stopped breathing and felt my heart exploding inside of me, not really knowing if I should kiss her or not, but God I wanted to.. maybe it was too much.

Eventually I opened my eyes and found that she staring back at me, searching for something, maybe permission. I held her gaze and got lost on blue eyes and without knowing, brought my eyes towards hers, enjoying the perfect synchronization of our lips together and savoring the moment, she let out a breath and her hand let go of the hold button so we broke apart, when the doors opened lexie was outside wating and we were just looking at each other in the eyes, she stepped out of the elevator and lexie took the bag I was holding… I looked at her again and all I could say was

"Please come back."

She looked back at me and just said "I know, I have to."


End file.
